After scarfing a bowl of Corn Flakes there are two states of being that can arise: regret and curiosity. Both hit me like a speedball of high fructose corn syrup straight to the pancreas.

As my stomach churned through what it thought was food, I couldn’t help but wonder about the larger socio-political ramifications of Corn Flakes. After all, what I had just eaten was satisfying/unsatisfying in some sort of undefinable way. I was fuller than I had been, but also more hungry.

Just as the regret was wearing thin, the curiosity swung into full effect. What was it that I’d just eaten? I left the baby in the magic vibrating chair, and stumbled to the kitchen in a mixed state of rapture and disgust over what I’d just incorporated into my body.

But curiosity just bred more regret. Corn meal. High Fructose Corn Syrup. I ignored the rest and scanned further up the side of the box to the list of fortifications. A vast field of vitamins and minerals were arrayed before me. All of this in just one bowl of Corn Flakes? I was overwhelmed.

Then the thought came: “I”ll never need to eat anything but Corn Flakes ever again.”

My head swam as my heart sank. No longer will I have to go to the trouble of shopping for ingredients for balanced meals. No more of the hassle of fresh fruits and vegetables that go bad in like an hour. A box of Corn Flakes has a half-life of at least 2 years, right? No more cooking. No more group meals, which means never having to waste time talking with people while I eat.  Breakfast, lunch, and dinner, each in three minutes flat. I would never have to worry about wasting time enjoying a meal ever again.

Who knew the possibilities that a simple box of Corn Flakes could open up? Who knew that post-industrial food engineers could so completely satisfy the maintenance needs of this flesh machine? Who knew that Corn Flakes would give me the life that I never thought I could have?

I’m no longer Rekonstruct. Now I’m fortified with essential vitamins and minerals. Now I’m saving time as I save money.

Who knew it was so easy to live the dream? Who knew it came prepackaged? With coupons?!? Fortified and preserved and ready to save me from the inefficiencies of food. Thank you Corn Flakes. Thank you.

Chocolate Mousse

Sexy dressed-up or a little messy.  The dark chocolate whirlpool just shivers me timbers.

Single-Origin Olives

Don’t even front like those olives don’t blow your mind.  You know they got the saltiness you need.

Assorted Gelato Under Glass

Where’s a shrinking ray gun when you neeeeeed one?!  I want to do the backstroke in the chocolate.
Spiced Cranberry Bread Pudding

Ok, so I discovered this one while I was searching for sexy food pics.  But once I saw the red-black cranberries soaking into the bread I knew I had to have this in my life.

Open Figs

There’s a reason some things are classic.

I love Anthony Bourdain. If the folds in his chef hat symbolized his personality 99% of them would represent crass sarcasm. And 1% of them would hint at good time sincerity. Perfect. Just how I like all my food/travel shows. And while watching his show last night I felt like he had read my mind. In fact, my journal. The show was titled “Food Porn“.

Being a woman who loves her food and her carnal delights, putting the two together sometimes seems like a natural blend. But back up. I’m not talking about combining the two. I’m talking about replacing one with the other. Follow me back in time about a month…

I have a creativity board in my office (space). I pin up pictures, fabric, sticks, leaves, jewelery, and whatever else I can pin to cork board. I use it as a space to create moods and play with inspiration. And on this particular day the mood I wanted to create was sexual passion.

I thumbed for pictures through about 12 magazines (yes, I read a lot of magazines) and realized that I had found ONE picture. One! Not ready to give up I moved to a second stack of magazines and started finding pictures instantly. But wait. None of these pictures had people in them.

The pictures were all of food. A close up of deep red, steamed cherries in bourbon and phyllo dough, a picture of a hand gently swirling rich red wine in a glass, figs on a wood cutting board with melted chocolate. Are you feeling tingly yet?

When I stopped to think about it, it didn’t seem unusual. Is it possible that we have replaced human sexuality with food sensuality?

We all fall into some of the pattern behaviors. Favorite quickies at a taco stand, pho, or dare I say it…name brand fast food joints. Or perhaps your into Tantric: seven courses, drinks, bread, appetizers, salad, soup, main course and an explosively fabulous dessert. No need to finish with a cigarette, just have a wonderfully rich cup of bitter coffee. Or maybe you’re into something off the books, that hole in the wall foreign food place that you just can’t get enough of, but that everyone is sure you’re gonna catch something from.

And food, food you can enjoy in public. And in groups. And you can pay for when you aren’t getting enough at home. We’re encouraged to have it when we wake up, at noon and in the evenings. Hello. Yes please. And other bonuses may include but are not limited to: while feeling guilty the morning after there’s no fear of “oh my god, will this meal ask me for college tuition in 18 years?” or “will this meal ignore me at work or forget to call?”.

Back to my inspiration board. Are my only options for sexuality or sensuality Playboy or Gourmet? Well, at this point, my board remains half filled. The rest is left to my imagination.

What about you? Do you think we’ve replaced human sensuality with food? Or perhaps given food a more prominent and hallowed place in our society? Is this a problem?

I pulled my half-eaten Chipotle burrito out of the fridge, threw it into the microwave, and then stared into its depths.  It was a veggie.  Amidst the corn salsa, black beans, and lime rice, I noticed a brown-black substance mushed against the tortilla:  the guacamole.

Of course!  Avocados turn brown if you don’t give them a citrus bath.  Then it dawned on me–avocados are just like bananas.

“But avocados have huge pits and they are not long and yellow!”

Thanks.  Let’s stay blinded by the obvious.  “No worries Morpheus, I’ll just have that blue pill, please, and a cup of warm soy milk.”  Sure there are some surface differences between bananas and avocados, but lets expand our minds.  First, both avocados and bananas have similar consistencies.  Next time you have an under-ripe avocado, close your eyes, take a bite, and imagine it was an under-ripe banana.  Spooky, no?  Second, both B’s and A’s go from green to yellowish to brown.  Finally, both are both good sources of potassium.  Case closed.

Or is it?  I love Avocados and loath bananas.  So how does that work?  Is it that their differences overcome their similarities?  Or is it that love and hate have more similarities than differences?  Why do I loathe 24 and love The Wire?