When it comes to sex, America is a pure democracy. What does this mean? It means that sexuality feels democritized. It means that “sexy” tends to follow accepted norms. Of course, we all have our private fantasies, our personal turn ons, but sex as a general rule, follows a general rule.
As I started to think about this more, it hit me that portrayals of fetish in the media fall into two camps: trendy and abberant. It’s funny in American Pie 3 when Finch yells out “put a finger in my ass”, because the ass has been democritized. When the movie came out, anal play was the dirty-not-dirty.
Trouble is, fetish, as a rule, tends toward the subjective. Subjective in this sense means that our sexuality feels aberant when its not reflected in what we have mistakenly considered to be normative sexuality. In other words, if someone gets “freaky” with us in bed, we’re only supposed to like it if its generally accepted “freaky.”
So, the question becomes for me. How do we reclaim our sexuality? With something as personal and inherent as our sexual wiring, should I have to wait until my fetish is trendy to accept it? Equally as important, how much can we expect of our partener when exploring the un-democracy of sex? And finally, how do we go about freeing our fetish?