Happy Mortal

This life, well-lived.

What $Money$ Can Buy

MONEY FUCK YEAH

This financial meltdown got me thinking about all the things that money can actually buy. Here are a few, based on average costs in the U.S.

Life

  • Artificial insemination: $500
  • Heart Transplant: $4,400/yr health insurance premium
  • Antibiotics: $90 (for 60 250mg generic Zithromax pills)

Love

  • eHarmony subscription: $250/yr
  • Speed Dating in NY: $35

Sex

  • Life Size Anatomically Correct Doll: $6200 (including shipping)
  • Sex with a human: prices vary

Death

  • Remington Synthetic Shotgun: 79.99
  • McDonald’s Big Mac: $3.29/ea in NYC
  • Cave Diving Training: $350
  • Iraq War: 341.4 million/day

After-Life

  • Indulgences: prices vary (including cost of time travel to middle ages)
  • Granite grave markers: $295
  • Turning your remains into a diamond: $3,499-19,999

But don’t let all of this fool you folks, materialism is ugly and really detracts from what makes life worth living. So stop working so hard and go tell someone you love them (sending them flowers: $24.95).

Comments are closed.